Guilt

I got a call from my sister today asking for advice about her daughter and daycare. A family member has offered to watch her baby for her but my sister is hesitant because she was thinking of putting her in a daycare that has a preschool curriculum and is afraid that the family member might not spend the time to do lessons.

This got me thinking about the amount of time I spend (or don’t spend) doing educational activities with my kids. I am so god damn busy every day with work, meal planning, grocery shopping, ass wiping and the like that Mickey Mouse runs a majority of the lessons in my home. When I do have down time, all I want to do is sit on the couch and decompress. So today I got on the floor with Tiny Dancer and did puzzles and talked to her about where her nose is. It was fun and all but I really can’t see myself doing that for several hours every day. And it made me feel horrible.. What kind of mom am I if spending time with my daughter on the floor is a (rare) exception?

I started contemplating what to do and wondering if daycare/preschool would be better for my kids too, which lead me to MBA applications and job searches. I’m so tired of breaking even with money every month and I am college educated and have a great resume and could be making some pretty fantastic money if I work 40 hours a week. So now I’m really considering going back to work because why? Because I hate budgets and doing puzzles?
So obviously that lead into another guilt spiral about how maybe I am really the worst mom ever if I have to leave my kids to keep my sanity. And will it really even work? Or will I be more miserable because I have to drop them off at daycare and miss their little faces all day? Great now I’m crying.

It’s been a hard day.

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4 thoughts on “Guilt

  1. Oh hon, I feel ya on this 100%. I go back and forth with this ALL the time. We are so close to being able to afford me staying home… yet I don’t think I could do the full time SAHM thing, and I guarantee the daycare provider does way more educational stuff with S than I would. That being said, I don’t want to go back to work. I want to stay home with my baby. F&@*(@$. Shit is hard. Good luck figuring out what is the best choice for you. You are a good Mom BECAUSE you worry about this stuff.

  2. Oh lady! It is tough this whole mom-life-work thing. You need to give yourself a break. Your kids are going to be just fine no matter if they are at home with you or at daycare. They have what they need: love, comfort, food.

  3. It is so hard. There is no one right choice, and I guarantee you’ll feel guilty either way…certainly something to mull over. Good luck sorting it all out. I’m sure you’re a great mom!

  4. I adore my daughter. Completely gobsmacked by her. And I love her all the more because I work. Because she’s all the more adorable when I get a break. And yes, work is a break. A PAID break.

    Sounds like you worked part time before, and had a nanny. How about some part time work and part time preschool/daycare? And see how it goes?

    I think this is another “woman’s right to choose” things. Do what YOU want and your kids will do great. But staying home because you feel like you ought to? No one wins.

    If you want to stay home, great. But don’t feel like you have to stay home to be a good mom.

    PS Did I mention that I get to eat lunch all by myself? Every single day???

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