I got a call from my sister today asking for advice about her daughter and daycare. A family member has offered to watch her baby for her but my sister is hesitant because she was thinking of putting her in a daycare that has a preschool curriculum and is afraid that the family member might not spend the time to do lessons.
This got me thinking about the amount of time I spend (or don’t spend) doing educational activities with my kids. I am so god damn busy every day with work, meal planning, grocery shopping, ass wiping and the like that Mickey Mouse runs a majority of the lessons in my home. When I do have down time, all I want to do is sit on the couch and decompress. So today I got on the floor with Tiny Dancer and did puzzles and talked to her about where her nose is. It was fun and all but I really can’t see myself doing that for several hours every day. And it made me feel horrible.. What kind of mom am I if spending time with my daughter on the floor is a (rare) exception?
I started contemplating what to do and wondering if daycare/preschool would be better for my kids too, which lead me to MBA applications and job searches. I’m so tired of breaking even with money every month and I am college educated and have a great resume and could be making some pretty fantastic money if I work 40 hours a week. So now I’m really considering going back to work because why? Because I hate budgets and doing puzzles?
So obviously that lead into another guilt spiral about how maybe I am really the worst mom ever if I have to leave my kids to keep my sanity. And will it really even work? Or will I be more miserable because I have to drop them off at daycare and miss their little faces all day? Great now I’m crying.
It’s been a hard day.