Na Na Na Boo Boo, I’m Better Than You

I’m not sure how the FB got started on the mom posts about how “everything you are doing sucks and here’s a post liked by a gazillion people that will prove to you that you should follow my advice.”  But I’ll tell you what, every time I see one of those mother fuckers, I roll my god damn eyes.  I’m over it people!  The one that really set me off was about how a woman was never, EVER, in her ENTIRE fucking life going to tell her daughter to “Hurry Up” again because she wants to teach her to take time to smell the roses and look at rainbows and sunshine and just mosey through life never hurrying because she might miss something.  So I read this piece of shit and then every time I tell my kid to hurry up I feel like the world’s worst mom because this person I’ve never met is telling me I’m wrong.

Well BULLSHIT.  I’m calling BULLSHIT.  Sometimes I am in a hurry.  Sometimes I have to get my son to school on time.  Sometimes I am just impatient.  Sure there are days that I have nothing to do so I will let my 2 year old look at every mother fucking rock on the half mile walk home from school.  It’s annoying and takes forever and the 1 year old is in the stroller screaming like a lunatic because we have to sit there and wait for him to decide it’s time to move the next 2 feet to the next rock/flower/stick he finds.  Great.  But other days, it’s fucking cold, I’m fucking tired, I have work to do, or I just want to be home.  I’m okay with telling him to get his rear in gear.

There are others too.  Countless others.  What you should/shouldn’t say about school, food, money.  How you should ENJOY EVERY MINUTE because every minute is enjoyable and you are going to miss it so bad one day.  Look, I realize time is precious.  My kids are growing at an exponential rate.  I hate it.  I get it.  It does go by fast.  But that doesn’t mean that if I’m not thrilled about cleaning shit off 2 asses that are not my own every day that I don’t appreciate my life.  I’m pretty much not going to clean ink stains off the floor and think, someday I’ll look back on this moment and relish it.  I promise you I won’t.  I don’t like cleaning ink stains off the carpet.

I realize this post is hypocritical.  I’m tellling you I hate posts that say you’re doing it wrong, and here I am saying “You’re doing it wrong.”  But I’m not actually trying to tell you that.  I’m just trying to say GOD DAMN IT STOP POSITING SHIT ON FACEBOOK WITH THE INTENT OF MAKING A MOTHER FEEL SHITTY.  Thanks.  And Amen.

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3 thoughts on “Na Na Na Boo Boo, I’m Better Than You

  1. A-MEN. 🙂

    Lately I’ve tried to give myself a big cushion for getting places b/c Stella is so interested in EVERY DAMN BIG ROCK MOMMA… but I can afford to do that b/c there’s only 1 kid, and sometimes I can’t even do that. When there are 2 of them and one is crying? You’d better bet your ass that the kid will be told to hurry up.

  2. Today, I tried to take two kids to Perkins by myself because I’m obviously a freaking idiot.

    This is how it went: Order food, yell at kid, get stared at, eat food, throw food, spit food, ask for check and carry two kids by their belt loops to the cash register to pay. It didn’t end there, I then got to publicly wrestle two kids into hats and mittens and coats while people looked on aghast I was in public.

    It was a disaster by all counts.

    But I never doubted that I was a good mom because I relished each and every fucking moment I sat at that table and then I even gave my camera phone to someone to be sure I captured the moment and “got in the picture”.

    That’s a lie. It fucking sucked and the only picture I took was of Mac’s chocolate hilter mustache.

    Go you.

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