Transverse Abdominus

Remember how I was going to blog every day in November and then I didn’t because I am a lazy slut bag? Oops. Well in my defense, it was Thanksgiving and I was out of town and I was eating banana cream pie and mashed potatoes all day. Also I’m a lazy slut bag. When I’m all hopped up on mashed potatoes I tend to fall asleep sitting up while drooling all over myself.
But anyway, did I tell you dudes my Pilates plan? Well it’s cold here in these parts so taking up running again right now is just not for me. Also I pee my pants if I do any more than a tender footed tiptoe. There’s an amazing Pilates studio near me that I used to work out at before I was a fertile whore. So I went today and paid for 3 private lessons and a package of mat classes. You have to do the private lessons in order to do the equipment classes because they are money grubbing assholes. Or because they don’t want you to slow down the class or get injured, whatever. Anyway I think their sign actually says, “We will help you stop peeing your pants.” Ok I lied about that too, but the core of Pilates is your core. Get it? Core of Pilates? By the way, I’m not snooty enough to actually capitalize Pilates every time, that’s autocorrect for you.
I started tonight with my first private lesson and I’m signed up for a class and another private session this week. I’ve basically been pregnant forever so my abs are all, “What the fuck dude? How are we supposed to be lazy and flabbalicious if you do that shit to us?” To which I replied, “SHAZZAM!!! Take that bitches!!” Then we both cried. So, goal one: Pilates 3 days a week. Goal two: meet and walk home with Bugs every day (about a mile.) Goal three: stop peeing pants. Goal four: start jogging again in spring.


5 thoughts on “Transverse Abdominus

  1. I had to decide whether it was more important not to crap my pants or to finish my run last night…poo won…it always does. I am glad you have goals and shit and you are too cool for the rest of us who wait until january 1st to write down our goals. Way to show us up slut bag!

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