I’ve been thinking a lot about my daughter.  Of course I have.  Duh.  But more specifically, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things that I want to teach her.  To be honest, I feel some real live pressure.  Because dudes, she is going to be a bad ass chick.  I mean, she just has to be.  I don’t want to raise a daughter that’s mean or insecure or anything but really fucking awesome.  I feel a mountain of pressure on myself to get it right.  I never want to make her feel like less than she is.  I never want my husband to not show up for her.  And I never, ever want her to make bad decisions for herself because I taught her that.

It’s hard to explain without going into too much detail, so here’s the gist.  The Hubs and I had a date last night.  It didn’t go so well.  We ended up fighting, and he ended up saying some really mean things to me.  My brain was in overdrive and I kept thinking of all the reasons I should stay and try to make it right.  But the one reason that kept me from doing that was HER.  I thought to myself, and told him later, “If anyone ever talks to my daughter that way on a date, I hope she gets up and leaves.”  So that’s what I did.  In 12 years of being together, I have never EVER just left him like that.

It was heart wrenching and terrible.  And totally empowering.  And I know we will work it out and make it right.  And I hope it never happens again.  But I also hope that this new found empowerment continues and shows her just how she should be treated and the steps she can take to stand up for herself if that isn’t happening.  Because she is amazing.  And powerful.  And beautiful.  And anyone who doesn’t treat her that way doesn’t deserve her.

That is pure truth.  In a way I never realized before.


4 thoughts on “Pressure

  1. awesome!

    i mean, it sucks that you had to have a nasty fight with your husband (though not entirely surprising, given that you have a toddler and a newborn at home! what couple wouldn’t fight???) and that you had to leave, but GOOD FOR YOU that you realize the impact your actions have.

    my mom always just put up with whatever my father dealt her and i think it really did a lot of harm to all of us kids, having to watch that. totally skewed our sense of what a normal relationship looked like. (She asked once if that was the reason that I chose to be a single mom… I think it certainly affected it.)

  2. You go girl! Did you ask your hubs if he would appreciate a man talking to your daughter that way? I would imagine that would give him pause. And I hope you have a great make up ritual 😉

  3. Amazing how we KNOW what is/isn’t okay, but it’s hard to stand up for ourselves until we start seeing it through the eyes of our daughters. Good for you hon, good for you.

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